


The Missing Piece

by thegirlnamedcrow



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Modern AU, POV Arthur, Sexual Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-16 09:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlnamedcrow/pseuds/thegirlnamedcrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn’t gay. At least, he didn’t think he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Missing Piece

He wasn’t gay. At least, he didn’t think he was.

It wasn’t as though years of active heterosexuality had suddenly unhappened because now he had a man in his bed. It wasn't like Merlin had divested all of his previous flings and trysts and short-lived relationships of all their meaning.

Though perhaps that’s because none of them ever really meant anything in the first place.

He’s been with more women than he could remember, some of them tumbling into his bed for the night only to vanish from his life by breakfast the next morning, some of them lingering for months at a time. But though he’d always been a generous and attentive lover, though his relationships had typically always been pleasant, if not particularly interesting, nobody who came before had ever been anything more than a means to an end. A source of pleasure when his body demanded release. Companionship when he was lonely. Somebody warm to tuck under his arm as he slept. But as much as he sometimes wanted more, as awful as he felt when girlfriend after girlfriend confronted him about his inability to take their relationship seriously, he found that he could never really bring himself to care about anybody in any meaningful capacity. Something was always missing.

It wasn’t anybody’s fault; Arthur himself hadn't even known what he needed.

It hadn’t been because they'd all been women. He’d never been particularly attracted to a man before now. Hell, he barely found the women he fucked all that appealing except from a detached, aesthetic perspective. He took partners at the urgings of his own libido, rarely out of any specifically directed lust. He slept with beautiful women because he could, because he liked the chase, and because he found their breezy confidence easier to handle than insecurity. Their strengths and virtues didn’t mean much to him; in the end it was all friction and orgasms.

But for whatever reason, all of that had changed with Merlin.

Merlin had come out of nowhere, filling gaps in his life Arthur hadn’t even known were there. He was an enigma, always surprising and never dull, and yet he slotted so seamlessly into his world it was like he’d been there all along. No matter how much time they spent together, it was never enough; no matter how many kisses they exchanged, Arthur always found himself needing more. His hair was soft between Arthur fingers, and when Merlin laughed he felt as though his heart might actually burst with affection.

He didn’t know what made Merlin so different, but Arthur was enraptured, and he couldn’t have torn himself away now if he tried.

And if all that made him gay, then fine, he was gay. He couldn’t see why that made the slightest difference. All he knew is that when Merlin curled up against him, burrowed into his neck and sighed in his sleep, the world made sense, and he couldn’t care less what that made him, so long as he never had to let go.


End file.
